Simo's "diary"

The night is uncommonly cold. I decided to go for a walk and feel that cold breeze, coming from far away, traveling deserts, mountains, and meadows until it got to here. I laid on a bench and stared at the sky, I felt my soul slip out of me as I looked at the stars. My eyes started to close, and I suddenly began to hear voices. Her voice, silly jokes, and hearty laughter. Couple minutes went by, more voices started to be heard, talking and laughing. Those are the voices of the people I love to hear, the ones I care about and miss. Tears kept flooding my eyes as I open them. They are hot, burning with pain. I couldn't help but remember again, rememeber all those good times I had with those people. It all started to fade away. My mind drifted into another time and life, another me. Older and different.. Yes, time has come to go back home!

So before I go to bed, I wanted to write something real quick.
While getting ready for my bac, and working on those physics exercices, I used to listen to some wonderful Japanese songs. Yes, it is weird but everytime I listen to any of them, I recall that period of my school career. Great time.
And eh, I was thinking .. try to take some couple minutes and think, think about ten years from now. Will you still remember your old best friend? Will you remember the name of that girl or boy who loved you to no end? Those were some very precious moments we had this year. LoL!! Life is going outrageously fast

So yeah, today was the first day of the three days long final... I'm speechless. How was it? I don't know. I can not know! I will know later .. when the results will finally be available. But now. Now what can I say?  So here we are, we  have reached the crossroads, there are many ways to go, though we don't know which road to take or which road is the one for us. The time has come to move forward. After 13 long years, we have come to the time when we need to write the next chapter of our lives. Yeah. It's time to look back at all those good times and just laugh, because you laughed then. And it's time to look back at all the bad times and laugh, because now they're over. Look forward all the good times to come and laugh, because you know you will.

I just sit there in front of you, quietly, waiting for those angelic and sweet words to escape slowly from between your lips. I stare at your eyes, and start looking for that truth hidden so far behind them. I wish with an intense despair that I could vanish myself into them.
Now I sit here, motionless, without a real thing to say. Silence. Again. Questions begin to ponder. What have I done? My mouth beginning to form words, yet, not even a syllable escapes. Know that I have always loved you.
We are not as we used to be anymore. Our intimacy is going away, it's becoming unnoticeable. I'm nott alking about that intimacy between a dad and a son, but the intimacy between souls. The intimacy found only in love. Not the foolish and extravagant love, but true love.
So I begin to ask.. Why is something that is very basic and simple, can be very complicted? That is an emotion that we all use every effort, whether consciously or not, to attain.. When we hug, it lasts a lifetime. It's strange how a simple gesture can be turned into an eternal symbol of support, of caring and acceptance, and sometimes understanding. This link, is stronger than the strongest metal, yet it seems to be so fragile. Once established, it is never lost. That rare person, who establishes this link, not establishes but accepts this link, is accomplishing more than we can imagine. Though, a few indeed ever truly behold it, and fewer, a lot fewer, are able to keep it... Yeah you're right, I also feel that I have started to khewwer. Enough! God only know how I feel :-/

February.. one of my favorite months. Not because it has less days, or because it's in the middle of the winter. What makes it different, and what makes me like it, is the way the world turns pink. No, It's not the month that causes this, however it's the holiday that is in the middle of it.
When February comes, everyone start talking about their lovers. Supermarkets present some spacial V-day gifts to give to your significant other as a "proof of love"..
So Valentine's day is a lovers' day, a day where everyone whispers adoringly to his or her partner, spouse or mate I love you. They use chocolate or maybe flowers as weapons to express that deathless love and adoration. But personally, I think that this holiday is more of a commercial day, where stores get their chance to sell those love weapons. And surely at one time it was an opportunity to show true, and lasting love, but not anymore (unfortunately)
So we're talking about love.. yeah.. Love! such a little world with one simple meaning, but yet people regard it with the uttermost respect and search hard for it. Too bad that nowadays LOVE is rare, especially in this country.. It's hard to find someone who truly and faithfully love another one. People get a partner just to not be single.. Love really isn't as easy and tender as it is portrayed. It's a really hard game with some confusing rules and which is full of twists, turns and dead ends.

These are just some of those thoughts that I am used to get around this time of the day (+2am). I keep listening to a kind of music that makes you think deeply of anything that comes to you mind... Oh, so inspiring.
Umm, you know what? Just sit and think to yourself  "What am I doing here?" ... it may seem like a very simple question, but in fact it is not. If you put some deep thoughts into the question, you'll realize that there is almost no perfect answer. So what are you doing here? I am not talking about the physical state, but I am talking about the mental and emotional side of the question. Just sit and ask yourself "how did I arrive here? to this point in my life?" .. what forces -either by physical or mental persuasion- led you to believe that this is how you wanted your life to be? ... Look around, family and friends cuz social factors usually play a major role that results in that kind of lifestyle you lead.. because I have been told, and I have come to realise that people don't live for themselves, they're permanently trying to satisfy their society.. because otherwise, if you don't satisfy your own society, you'll get kicked out (N'est ce pas Mme. Zerouali -_-).. Everyday, take some time out your daily routine and examine what you're doing, examine those factors that 'predetermine' your life's outcome. I am sure that after obtaining such an in depth and insight into your life, another question will emerge .. "Am I truly happy with my life?".. Most people will immediately think "Yes, of course I am" because they don't think about the complexity of this rather easy question.. In reality, the majority of people are unhappy with their life and they don't even ask why... even if they try to answer this question, they'll get tired after one or two minutes of thinkinh. They'll give up because the answer is far from being obvious, but if you promise urself to set aside everyday and think, the true answer to this question will then come to you. It may take a lifetime to achieve total happiness, but it will be worth it.. People pretending to be happy aren't hurting anyone... but they're hurting themselves, because after all... the biggest and most painful betrayal is that your own self...

After coming back from those extra-curricular math courses today, I turned the television on, there wasn't anything else to do because holidays have just started today. So, I have then noticed that everytime I hear the new, there are always murders, massacres, and atrocities. I feel like the word today is so corrupted, and no matter what we try to do, this will never change.
Afterwards I started to wonder.. What would have happened if Adam and Eve didn't eat that damn apple, and just obeyed God? Would the world be perfect, or would it still be the same?
Aaaargh I am sick of facing reality. Anyway... There is no need to continue this so emotional post because...
WE'RE ON HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!!!!
It is a good day and I will have good holidays; no, I will have excellent holidays!
woah!!! I have been waiting for this since... the last holidays! This is the most rightest time, I am just tired of waking at 7am every day, and leaving to school hands shaking (Even if I wear 2 sweetshirts, 3 shirts, and 2 long sleeves, it stays the same). But yeah, these holidays are gonna be great. I can feel'em! Though, I wish I can go to Marrakech (that'd be even greater).

Oh, you know what I've come to realize lately!!? It's that our lives basically depend on our attitude. When we wake up the morning, one of the first things we look at is the mirror in the bathroom. That determines how our day is gonna be like! If you smile, and say to yourself : Today Is Gonna Be Great! Today I Choose To Be Happy, it's gonna work! Trust me, I tried that and it works, especially if you repeat that on the way to school, while at school, and after finishing school. Because it is said that repetition tricks our brain to believe and behave the way we have perceived ourselves.
Nevertheless, I totally agree that life isn't easy. No one ever told me that life was going to be easy, but no one ever told me how hard it was going to be, either. We can make our lives easier, and that's by taking all those negative emotions that make our lives hard apart. Never push them on the back of your brain, and tell yourself that you'll deal with them later. They will just accumulate and then make us go into a depression. Nothing is better than hitting the delete button. This way, they will never come back!
May peace and love be with ya
Today, Tomorrow, and Always =)

Scorpions - Winds Of Change (live With Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra)

Scorpions

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

It was just another day, I woke up as I normally did on good days, ready to take the world as it came... it's  8AM, just got out of the shower, went to my bed and started thinking about all the dilemmas of the universe. Suddenly, I see myself in an empty dark hall. An echo repeats: It's all gone. I could only see darkness, until a bright spot came to my sight. The echo got quieter and started to fade. I stood in the light, with a brightened glare and no vibrating air. Then, started to wonder and question myself: what have I learned throughout my nearly eighteen years of life?
I guess the most important lesson I have come to realize is that we are all the same throughout our beautiful uniqueness. We all laugh and cry, live and die. We all want to say with everything we do that we are alive, we exist. Our methods of doing so is probably different, but the meaning is the same. When others act in a bad manner towards us, we may react differently, but inside, we are all trying to cover the scars that have been left. Some cry, some yell or scream, others hide, or maybe cause harm to others or to themselves. Though, at the base of all those acts, is always the simple innocent person we try to hide. We often don't take time to realize others are as afraid as we are. We all need joy and happiness, we all need love and hope... We can't escape, we can't hide from the responsibility we have to ourselves and to others. The outstanding, resonating quote by John Kennedy "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" needs to resound throughout the world. We need to stop expecting others to take care of us, to stop waiting for others to take care of the problems we come across every single day. We should know that WE are the OTHERS who can make a difference. You can start small. Just know that this "small" will grow and evolve then become "big". Turn frustration and anger into a beaming smile and an open heart. Help others who seem to need a boost. Have faith and hope, and be sure that someday, you will realize that what you've done was the right thing...

Okay first of all, I hate bringing up the times I spent in the USA when I talk about something in Morocco. I hate comparing those two countries, because there's noway we can compare them , comparing the leading world country with a developing country is not really fair... but let's make an exception...

Back in the US, everyday I had a feeling, everyday I waited patiently for the following day I was having a passion living. Here, I see no reason that pushes me to live. Why go to school tomorrow? Nothing makes tomorrow special, nor after tomorrow, nor next week, nor next year...it's like a tasteless cake... We're just living for nothing.  I have no idea if I am gonna get my high school degree, or where I am going for college, or even what I ll be majoring in. In the USA, everything is crystal clear. Everything is well planned and organized. Your days are well planned, there is ALWAYS something to do the next day. Damn!! That is because over here nobody is motivated, nobody have the guts to stand up and make a change, people here live in a chronic depression that will never end.
Everyday I feel like I should do something, but I don't know what's the right thing to do ? whith whom ? and when ? I feel like I have to change something, cuz this dull routine is killing my motivation. I talked about that during my last posts, I am talking about it now, and I will always talk about it 'til a change occurs...

ummm what am i gonna right... dunno... the title is gonne be ummm... dunno... pfff... well..what's in my mind?..........no.. why...  i lost it..    God..   where!   now now now now ... broken dreams!! please ?? i need it.. right now! dont give a fuck... nice guy   moment of glory...  damn !! i cant focus anymore   what s goin on?! they are fallin, they are so cold, i can feel them on my cheek, they are wet... is it too late ?? where is the change ? ... god ... help help !! i m beggin .. T A F... T V I .. wach 3ndk stylo gris ?? khra... goin crazy... heeeeelp please!! no i dont wanna lose it... i need to keep up... tomorrow physics.... comme des petits geeks.. geeks... GEEKS....  everybody s movin away... what did i do ?? stay next to me...no take me with you.... shittttt
no no no focus goddamiit !!  where is the love ? no there is no love? it s cold, as cold as the other nights ... i dunno... it's ... they're gone... malk mab9iti tmma? .....   Sofia vient de se connecter. ARRRRRRRR
our chief died in that room... comin up from DC with my homiz on a 717C...... hey remember... you gotta believe!! ...... i see drunk faces... they're laughin....  Mo, I love you.. i really do ... germany? denmark? why why !!... +1920490 9xx2.. xx?? .. 89?.. non 88!! pff et apres -_-.... snooow flakes...  chaos.... iss okay... follow ... keep following.... it's the right path... the right path ..............................................................